Control

 "her need to control about getting things done, Lulu's need to control was about getting her way"

From Sweet Tea Tuesdays by Ashley Farley

Phantom Limb

Thoughts on Phantom Limb by Lucinda Berry.

Elizabeth did not understand people's obsessions with celebrities "amount of time people spent focusing on everything they did, like they were gods they worshipped instead of a human being like the rest of us."

Elizabeth was in bed for 7 days in hospital. She did not want to get in wheelchair, nurse said it was hospital rule. She figured "wheelchair trumped staying in the bed." After being transported to 5th floor, nurse indicated that she needed to take wheelchair back with her; she stood, felt dizzy.

7 days in hospital bed, one needs to learn how to walk again. I expected the young woman to fall on the floor, unable to stand up without support. 

One character in the psych ward was rocking back and forth although not in a rocking chair. That belongs on my Homeless blog ~ one of my mental health issues, along with losing time in thoughts due to blank stare.

Another character "pulling hair out of her head, strand by strand, putting each strand in a neat pile on her pants." I added (bipolar) The lady had trichotillomania. Most do not make neat piles. They sniff the root touching it their upper lip, then if acceptable, bit on it before dropping it into messy pile on the floor. 

Author accurately described cutters, suicide indention, outcome of childhood abuse or domestic violence. The only thing I know about psych wards is what I have seen portrayed on TV. This novel, was missing the lineup for pills, "show me your tongue," or however nurses check to make patient swallowed their meds.

There may have been a couple of schizophrenics, two men having animated conversations with invisible people. The man doing nothing but staring out the window might have severe case of PTSD (thousand yard stare.)

Blood Grove

One of the two Kindle books I read after finishing The Black Friend was Walter Mosley's Blood Grove. My first Kindle purchase, after Mosley posted about it on sale, via Facebook. LOL I paid $2.99 for a book I gave a 2 Star Rating at Goodreads. I guess the first time I read it was a hardcover book from library. At first I thought he was bringing readers up to date on past characters. It all sounded so familiar, but I do not remember Mosley going into so much detail about clothing and food. 

Then I checked Goodreads and put the Kindle book aside. It was getting boring, which seldom happens with a Mosley novel. Since I paid for it, I resumed reading; it got better, before it got boring again. Goodreads changed format. The old format easier to use, so doubt I aid a 2nd read date. 

"One of the symptoms of shell shock is that the victim of trauma sometimes loses themselves in thoughts " I think it is called the thousand yard stare. 

"You can't have one rich man without a hundred poor standing behind him."

I found myself noticing every time Mosley used all the variations of the N word. Thank you Frederick Joseph, seeing the word in a novel never caused me to stumble over or even notice before you admonishing white people not to read and never read it out loud. Prime offered to add narration to Mosley's book. Gee I wonder if they got Denzel Washington to read it to those who prefer audio books? 

I recently watched an Easy Rawlins movie. I kept hearing Denzel's voice when reading some of Easy's lines. Hence my wondering whose voice narrates. Or do they have different readers for different characters? 

NPR, food, music, family

"NPR is religion for liberal white people." There goes Frederick Joseph again with his bigoted, stereotypes. 

"Food, music, and family are the essence of race and culture for many of us." He was talking about "many of us Blacks." They are the essence of most ethnic backgrounds, not limited to black folk.

Maybe that is what he meant? 

The author and I were both reading The Audacity of Hope about the same time. I never heard about Barack Obama, and could not pronounce his name. The book was in back seat of my service worker. She told me he was going to run for president. I could borrow if I wanted to read it. I loved his ideals and ideas. My daughter told me she said "he is going to be president someday, but did not expect it to happen so soon."

Sarah is white with dreadlocks. Joseph would not approve. 

"it is hard to get even well-meaning white people to see them that way." Do not know what context he wrote it in, but I disagreed. My next two notes said: "complicated" and "is why you are reading this book." (I had checked a Kindle Override library book out. A few chapters later I returned it and saw this title, checked it out. Would have been better if I returned it also!)

Several Goodread's reviewers named Joseph "arrogant" and "condescending" ~ my exact thoughts.

Karishma's story broke my heart.

So did when he and his friends ganged up on a Chinese/American girl because she would not agree to being bothered when non-Chinese people wear Chinese clothes. The group was driving to see one of the friend's college. They were singing. The Asian/American girl sang along. Including a lyric that included the N word. Driver stopped the car; When they could not get her to see it their way, driver turned around and they went home. 

I forget what he said about "the DNA of America," just some more blanket indictments of whites.

He included a quote or something about a book he was forced to read, Great Expectations. He seemed to think everyone knew Miss Havisham. I reread the novel as an adult because I remembered liking it when required reading in Jr. or Senior High. I might have to read it again, as I have zero clue as to the character. I assume "racist white lady." 

If I find anymore notes on The Black Friend not sharing. This took too long.

Color Blind

 My pet peeve. Frederick Joseph says he does not want us to say "we don't see color." Well, duh of course we see color, unless we are blind. We also see a person's height, weight, clothes they are wearing, age (young, old, child, teen) and usually gender. 

What we do not do is go up to someone and say, "I see you are fat, you must overeat. Tell me your story. Do you have a thyroid problem?' "When is the baby due?" 

Well, some people are that rude. If we say a person's skin color is irrelevant we are being disrespectful, because it is relevant to them. Does a person's height, weight, style of clothing have any relevance to us? 

Well yeah, those kids wearing pants showing off their arse crack remind me of some of my father's friends that did that, grossed me out then, grosses me out now. I have heard Black women tell them to "pull up your pants." I would never comment on them. Just glad my son was grown before the style became a fad. I allowed my children freedom to dress as they pleased, but that one would have caused us to butt heads.

Speaking of culture apportion whose culture started high heels. Are Persian a Black Race of a White Race? 

I think the last time I used the word was when a black man on the beach was trying to pick me up, asked "have you ever been with a black man before."  He said, "I thought so." I guess he meant he did not think I was a racist. The first time I heard someone complain about the C.B. term, I stopped saying it. 

I had a tiff with people via Facebook meme. I should have never commented. The creator of the meme's last name was Rodriguez. My constant companion friend's cousin spent a lot of time with us. Playing kids' games, dancing. Her last name was Rodriguez. Now I felt bad that I never asked her to "tell me your story." I never knew her nationality. The meme did not state "Black" just "thou shalt not say you are color blind." 

Andrea was petite, cute, very popular once we all were in the same high school. I do not know her elementary school experiences. My friend's father was light skinned Italian; her dark hair mother said she was Spanish. Joanne was nicknamed Carrot top due to her "red" hair. Lots of freckles. Later years Joanne told me her mother was Cuban; but due to prejudice and hatred of Cubans she lied. I am trying to picture her skin tone. Darker than the father's I am sure. 

I would say Andrea was brown, as in suntanned even tho' it is winter. But we were all considered white in those days of "colored people," or Negroes. 

I do not have to ask Blacks their stories. When we get together we talk about racism they experienced. But since the meme did not mention a color, it was a commenter that used the CB phrase, I gave an example of how silly it would be to sit in a seat next to stranger and say "I see you are white, tell my your story." Imagine a white person saying, "I see you are black..."

It sounded condescending to me. Telling people I see their color and asking them to tell me their story as if I am superior to them. The commenters blasted me. "Just because you have not experienced it..." Did not say I was being pig headed, but something to that effect ~ when it was them refusing to understand my point. 

A fav old expresion: here comes the tsunami wave we all be running. Tired of notes from the book The Black Friend.

Affirmative Action

 A friend called himself, The Black Man. He and I agreed on most everything, except Affirmative Action. He thought it should end; took away incentive. I thought it was still needed. I know too many white people who would not hire based on skin color. I skipped over a lot of Frederick's explanation about how Affirmative Action works. 

Due to trump being indicated (his word) Yahoo comments full of insults on Judge Bragg. Maybe he did have a low LSAT score? I bet the one who wrote it would not last long in law school. Even if he was enrolled in a college to met an Affirmative Action quota, he needed the grades, intelligence, and other things to get admitted. Snoop Dogg would not be enrolled in Princeton and get a degree based on Affirmative Action. 

I correct people on their misconceptions routinely when I see their comments on Internet articles. Thus could skip his lecture. 

Reparations

 Of course Frederick Joseph wants reparations. He considered suing Nabisco because of all the times he was called an Oreo. (He may have been joking.) Is he aware of how many times white people have been called the n word attached to lover? My daughters black friends told her she was white on the outside, black on the inside. 

It is a problem; when a white person does not hate a black person, they become outcasts among whites, and accepted among blacks/browns. 

I do not agree with reparations for the same reasons most people do not: money. The country is on brink of bankruptcy. Need to trim the budget, not add to it. Logistic nightmare. Does only Marian Robinson get money, or does she, Craig Robinson, Michelle Obama also get money. Would one of the Obama girls be eligible and not the other? Or would they each be entitled to 1/2 the standard payout? 

Is there stored slave DNA so that each requesting reparations due to sins of their ancestors can prove they qualify? How do they calculate the hours slaves worked? Calculate in yesteryear's average wage? If a freed slave got the promised "40 acres and a mule" do they still get repaid for slave labor?

I am first generation U.S. of A. citizen on my father's side, 2nd generation on my mother's. Why should people like me pay for sins we did not commit? Maybe track down all families that owned, bought/sold slaves and make their ancestors pay reparations? 

Slavery was horrible and wrong. So was Jim Crow. So is systematic racism. Will Joseph get over the wrongs done to his ancestors, it if given money? If djt does not start a civil war, giving reparations might do it. Peeps called the N Lover words would not fight with White Nationalist but could be killed by either side in such a war. 

Sidetracked

 Easily distracted from my goals. Read two more Kindle books after finishing The Black Friend. Still have scribbled notes.

When I finished the book, I questioned if I was a white supremacist. Long ago I once questioned myself: maybe the husband (long ex now) was right. Maybe n*g* (you know the rest) were inferior to white people.

I grew up with and knew too many Negroes, blacks, Afro/Americans, African/Americans to agree with the ex. Nah, neither could I ever be a supremacist. But because he is Black and I am considered white, I am loathe to criticize him. I doubt the book will stop white racists from being racists. It might lead some white kids to become racists.

Frederick Joseph does not approve of The White Savior, even though a man used his White Privilege to stop him from being arrested for shoplifting. That was nice that you got me out of trouble, but we do not want your help? He talks about White Saviors using feeding homeless as a photo op. I do not know if homeless being served by white celebrity are all Black. White people are homeless too. Would he feel President Obama helping prepare meals, serve at a Food Bank, simply a photo op; A Black Savior?

He mentioned whites who go to predominantly black communities abroad as being Opportunist White Saviors. I do not recall seeing a photo of Jimmy Carter in his Carter Foundation work overseas. I think I may have seen him building houses for humanity. Ok White People Thou Shalt Not Use Your Privilege to help the disadvantaged. I wonder if Jon Bon Jovi's "pay what you can afford" soup kitchen exclusively serves whites? Or Blacks? Or a diverse population? 

White kids go to furniture stores to chill? Maybe in his neck of NYC they do. I have never seen teens hanging out for hours in furniture store; In a mall maybe, but they would have been asked to leave sitting on or laying on beds. Talk about judging an entire "race" by skin color.

I have never watched Sex & The City. Have watched Living Single. I watched A Different World always on lookout for actor Mary Alice.(Smith.) I agree there is no "reverse racism." Joseph is plenty bigoted. The way he lectures he sounds like he thinks he is superior to other ethnic groups as a whole. That makes him a racist. 

"You probably think yoga was started by a white woman in California." No, I thought it was started by an Indian guru in New Jersey. Sarcasm. I would think it is of Hindu origins. Just more stereotypes. As if all white woman in CA do yoga? Or lead Yoga groups? 

"Historically off-limits to non-community members." Thou shalt not practice Yoga? Or Kung Fu? Or wear green on St. Patrick's day? Or eat lasagna? White peeps thou shalt not taste sushi, as ordered by Frederick Joseph. 

He talks about being forced to live up to white people's standards, so maybe this is a big get even? I do not know that Negroes were forced to straighten their hair, to conform to white standards. That changed; but I notice a lot of Black ladies on TV shows or movies straighten their hair or are wearing wigs with long, flowing hair styles. Where did all the naturals and Afros go?

I think everyone has the right to choose their own hairstyles. It is disturbing when Native American child is told to cut off his culture's natural braids. Or the biracial student not being allowed to attend graduation due to his cornrow hairstyle. Michelle Obama said she did not wear braids while First Lady because it might be too upsetting for white folks. Yes, many White Folks do have standards they expect others to follow.